| I'm big on watching simple things, such as flying a | | | | Amandas. |
| kite (Okay, sometimes this isn't so simple to do, | | | | I put the fish in the bucket she is holding. Without |
| but more about that later.) and feeling inspired by | | | | any instruction, she goes to the ocean and fills the |
| all the lessons that a simple observation brings. | | | | bucket with water. Now the bucket is heavy and |
| Walking down the sunny beach at Seacliff in | | | | it has fish and water. She walks carefully up to |
| Aptos, California, I watched several kites soaring. | | | | the sea lion. |
| Lifted high by the wind, they were delighting | | | | The sea lion lifts its head, looks at the little girl, |
| everyone around. The kites were glorious and the | | | | and leans towards her. A good omen, I decide. |
| fliers exuberant! Anyone walking within site of the | | | | Amid multiple conflicting instructions from all the |
| kites had a smile on their face. Flying the kite this | | | | surrounding adults, I can feel the girl Amanda |
| particular morning was so darn easy. It looked | | | | decide for herself where to set the bucket. As |
| easy. The fliers' laughter was punctuated with | | | | soon as she puts it down, the sea lion puts its |
| 'ooohs' and 'aaaahs'--confirmation that, indeed, it | | | | head in bucket, then eats one fish, maybe |
| was easy. | | | | two--spills the rest. Success! I am thrilled and |
| It would have been an entirely different story if | | | | everyone claps. Amanda beams. |
| the wind wasn't coming off the water in the | | | | "Good job!" I congratulate the girl. |
| steady, but strong way. All you had to do was | | | | "Is it enough food?" I wonder. I have no idea how |
| hold the kite up and the wind did the rest. Think | | | | long until the rangers come. |
| about that for a minute. There are forces of | | | | Amanda, unfazed by the spilled bucket or sandy |
| nature at work all around us that do the work. | | | | fish, picks up the fish and returns them to the |
| We just have to align with them. Not only are | | | | bucket. She goes down to the water and refills |
| these forces active 24-7, there is nothing we can | | | | the bucket, and once again places the bucket of |
| do to stop them. "It rains on the just and unjust" | | | | fish in front of the sea lion. She does this over |
| is a Bible passage in that most of us have heard | | | | and over until the baitfish is gone. |
| at some point. The passage means we do not, in | | | | I notice I am observing how tuned into the |
| any way, need to be different to align with these | | | | situation and circumstance Amanda is. I marvel at |
| forces. The Power of the Universe just Is. | | | | the power I feel--this "knowing" of the unknown. |
| Being the mom of three boys, I have had many | | | | The experience of channeling Power through me, |
| days when the boys wanted to fly kites and the | | | | translated as naming the sea lion Amanda, the |
| wind was a torrent of gusts or just barely | | | | same name as the little girl who is apparently just |
| moving. Every time our kites did a death spiral | | | | the right person for the job. I am gawking at the |
| due to lack of wind or were yanked from young | | | | Power of the Universe. I am observing myself |
| hands by a tremendous gust, we learned that | | | | gawking at the Power of the Universe. I snap |
| going against 'what is' is not productive--in any | | | | back. |
| way! | | | | I want to believe, as I gaze at the sea lion, that |
| We would miss the satisfaction of the easy | | | | she is doing better and that somehow the fish |
| majestic soaring. We would all try different | | | | made a difference. I can't stay on the beach all |
| things--putting on a longer tail or heavier tail or | | | | day and wait for the rangers. Most of the crowd |
| running faster to catch the wind--until finally we | | | | was on their morning beach walk, and they too |
| had tried everything we knew. Of course, after | | | | have plans they need to continue onto. |
| much expenditure of energy, it would dawn on us: | | | | I hear Amanda ask her dad, "Can I stay here until |
| "It isn't a good day for flying a kite!" So we'd pack | | | | the rangers come?" |
| up the string and kites and call it quits. | | | | "Pl-l-l-lease say yes," I silently pray. |
| So much of our day-to-day lives are like the kites | | | | "We-e-l-ll," sighs the dad. "I guess your mom can |
| and the wind. Using the Power of the | | | | find us here instead of down by the pier." I |
| ever-present Universe, some days it is a good | | | | breathe a sigh of relief. Everything--I feel way |
| day to fly a kite. Other days it is a good day to | | | | down in my gut--is going to be okay. "This is a |
| re-direct activity in accordance with whichever | | | | qualitatively different kind of 'okay'." Observer |
| way the wind is blowing. | | | | notes. |
| I routinely observe folks going against the wind in | | | | All day I am thinking about the sea lion. I want to |
| so many areas of their lives. Just like we kept | | | | know what happened. Then again, maybe I don't. |
| trying everything we knew to get the kite up in | | | | I want the fairy tale ending.: Rangers come and |
| the air--so too folks are trying everything they | | | | rescue the sea lion who will live happily ever after. |
| know to make a situation or circumstance or | | | | Yes, I can see this is my ego mind working: |
| relationship work. And just like us in that "do | | | | working to make a meaning of something, |
| anything to get the kite up" mode, they are | | | | working for space in my head, working for |
| wasting energy doing it. | | | | control. I also sense awareness, a presence. I turn |
| Everything is energy. Leaking energy is never a | | | | to it. I surrender. "Where would you have me go? |
| wise choice. "The lessons?" you ask, "What about | | | | What would you have me do? What would you |
| the lessons you learned trying to go against the | | | | have me say and to whom?" This is one of my |
| forces of the universe?" There is the illusion. We | | | | favorite lines from the Course in Miracles. I call it |
| already knew it wasn't a good day to fly a kite. | | | | the "get out of your own way" line. Saying it just |
| We didn't listen to our wisdom, but we knew. In | | | | shifts once my energy. I feel it. |
| our guts, we knew if the kite was going up, it | | | | After dinner, I ask my son Zachary if he wants |
| wasn't staying up. The lesson was honor what | | | | to go for a walk on the beach and see if we can |
| you know and don't leak energy! | | | | find out what happened to the sea lion. |
| Dolphins, pelicans diving for fish and sea lions are | | | | "Yes!" he says. Zachary asks me questions about |
| common treats at Seacliff. Past the kites, a sea | | | | what happened earlier with the sea lion. Zachary |
| lion was on the beach. Sea lions have always | | | | asks questions again and again. |
| reminded me of Bashful, one of the seven | | | | This is his way of wanting to hear the story. I tell |
| dwarves. Their eyes are those of a puppy dog | | | | him the story, again and again. His favorite part is |
| and they are non-combative and peaceful. | | | | Amanda--Amanda the girl, that is. |
| This particular sea lion was not doing too | | | | We get to the spot the sea lion was beached. |
| well--starving, in fact. | | | | Clearly, there are tracks from a 4x4 jeep-- the |
| The previous years have been good, so the | | | | ranger had come! My heart leaps. Fairytale ending! |
| population is too big for the amount of fish this | | | | Thank you, God! Thank you, Amanda. Observer |
| year. I remember this part of the "circle of life." | | | | notes, "Ego happy--isn't that interesting." |
| The Lion King made the circle famous--palatable | | | | "Excuse me," I hear from behind me. I turn |
| even-to many of us. I know it is how things work | | | | around. It is Amanda and her mom. The mom |
| here in Earth School, and it is powerful. I know | | | | says she wants to thank me. |
| going against it isn't wise. | | | | "Oh, geez" I say. "You should thank your |
| I absolutely hate watching anyone or anything | | | | daughter. She did all the hard work!" I make the |
| suffer. Before I can take a breath and remind | | | | introductions to my son Zachary, and myself. |
| myself of the circle of life, I observe myself pull | | | | Amanda's mom notices Zachary is "different." |
| out my cell phone, and call the ranger station. The | | | | For the first time, I am noticing that Amanda is |
| thought "How interesting" comes across my mind, | | | | flapping her hands and walking in circles on her |
| as I continue my observation of me, telling the | | | | toes. If you have a child with any kind of disability, |
| ranger station about the sea lion. I hear myself | | | | there is the "look" that you exchange with other |
| emphasize, "It is still alive." I come back into the | | | | parents--the "knowing" look. We don't have to ask |
| experience when I hear the ranger station | | | | questions like, "What is your child's diagnosis?" I |
| respond with "We'll come pick it up when we can." | | | | see that look on Sarah's face, Amanda's mom, as |
| "Wow! It happened again," I think. Whatever this | | | | she looks at Zachary, and she can see the look |
| "It" is has been happening to me for a long time. | | | | on mine as I look at Amanda--instant kinship. |
| Lately though, it is happening more and more. | | | | "What school does Amanda go to?" I ask Sarah. |
| Over the years, I have spoken about it with | | | | ("What the heck made me ask that?" I wonder.) |
| Shamans, Yogis, and Monks. "Yes," they tell me, | | | | Sarah is trying to find a new school for Amanda. |
| "this is a normal experience with increased | | | | Sarah is forced to home school Amanda because |
| awareness." I recall one particular Medicine Chief's | | | | she was not being cared for-- let alone |
| diagnosis as "Most likely not crazy." "It" smiles. | | | | educated--at her past school. I am not wondering |
| Over the years, I have chosen the name | | | | anymore why I asked that question. |
| "Observer" to have something to call "It." I snap | | | | I take a few deep breaths. Now I know the |
| back. | | | | Universe is in full play here. Unfortunately, I have |
| Yuck. A feeling in the pit of my stomach says the | | | | had to sue the school district in which Zachary |
| sea lion can be saved--NOW, not later. At least, | | | | attended school. He was coming home with |
| that is what I think it says. I check in with the pit | | | | unexplained bruises, with his augmentative |
| of my stomach. "Huh?" it says. Arguh. What to | | | | communication device intentionally broken by the |
| do? "What can I do?" I ask myself over and over | | | | staff of the school so he wouldn't be able to use |
| as I watch the poor sad eyes of this gentle | | | | it, and -the last straw--with a bloody nose he got |
| creature. I feel compelled with every fiber of my | | | | and no phone call from the school. There was a |
| being that I need to do something. "It" comes | | | | long list of unconscionable behavior. |
| back. How strange that " It" observes, "This | | | | The subject brings up so much venom in |
| feeling is in opposition to the circle of life." I am at | | | | me--venom for the people who have done this, |
| a loss. Ah, just caught myself aware of "It" again. | | | | breaking the scared vows one takes as a teacher |
| "Wait a minute! If the universe is sending 24-7 | | | | or administrator of a school. "Okay," I say to |
| where do I need to align to receive?" Okay, so I | | | | myself, "another chance to practice letting the |
| am not at a loss, I am just not tuned in very well | | | | anger go" and I pray again, "What would you |
| at the moment. "Okay," I tell myself, "Calm down | | | | have me say God?" I am feeling somewhat |
| and tune in. Breathe." Again and again, I force | | | | alone--no third voice and no answer. |
| myself to breathe. As soon as I focus on my | | | | "I feel your pain," I tell Sarah. "I have been there." |
| breath, | | | | Sara tells me this experience with the sea lion is |
| Observer comes back. Observer hands me the | | | | the first time they have seen their daughter |
| information: I had walked past a fisherman. He is a | | | | focus like that-- aware of what is going on and |
| little ways behind me now. He has baitfish as he is | | | | what is needed in a situation. "It is nothing short |
| hoping to catch sea bass. I snap out of Observer. | | | | of a miracle," Sarah tells me. "Why," she asks, "do |
| Okay, the plan. "What is your plan Karen?" | | | | you think Amanda connected with that sea lion?" |
| monkey mind wants to know. Walk over to the | | | | The voice is back: "Because the Universe is kind |
| fisherman and offer him money for his fish? "I | | | | and loving: giving and pressing goodness down into |
| have cash," I think. Check the pockets--yup, got | | | | us for good measure." I am hesitating to speak |
| cash. I worry that the fisherman will think I am | | | | those words. My ego mind says, "You can't say |
| crazy, so maybe I should explain why I want it. | | | | that to her." |
| Umm, something stops me. Hard call to make. He | | | | Instead, I tell her that many folks-- myself |
| might see the seal a competition for the fish he | | | | included--who have differently-abled children, see |
| wants to catch. | | | | the children behave and act differently with |
| "Okay, don't get lost in the details, Karen. Just | | | | animals. "Zachary has two therapy dogs and I |
| move your feet and be persuasive." My ego mind | | | | can't imagine life without them." I share with |
| continues to prattle on about the plan and what | | | | Sarah. I tell her about different groups who help |
| to say as I approach the fisherman. | | | | with matching therapy dogs, therapy riding with |
| "Hi, um excuse me. I want to help a starving sea | | | | horses, swimming with dolphins--maybe she should |
| lion hang on until the rangers can pick it up." (Crap, | | | | check them out. |
| I didn't plan to say that! Too late can't take it | | | | Sarah tells me that Amanda's dad is back at the |
| back. Who the heck is talking now anyway?) "Can | | | | house doing the research now. "He was so |
| I buy your bait fish from you to feed it?" | | | | excited about the experience, he couldn't wait!" |
| (Definitely not me talking. This was not my script.) | | | | Sarah explains. She thanks me for the information. |
| I move into my right mind and instruct my body | | | | (I actually email her on the spot from my iphone, |
| "Okay breathe. Go with the flow here. Just | | | | the list of resources I have--how cool is |
| observe--don't resist, and don't think. Whatever | | | | technology!) We exchange phone numbers and |
| you do--do not engage the thinking mind." Darn | | | | say good-bye. |
| too late. There it is thinking now. | | | | As the sun sets, Zachary and I head back to the |
| "W-w-what?" says the stunned fisherman. | | | | house. Observer notes, "A much better |
| Dang! I know he heard me. He is going to say no. | | | | storybook ending than you wanted." Another note |
| I take a breath. | | | | to self. |
| Observer-self appears. It is watching me squirm | | | | I take a breath and detect The Presence is still. |
| for the most effective response. It thinks, "You | | | | "Always with you," I hear the voice say. Then I |
| are trying to manipulate him to giving you the | | | | realize I didn't say what I was asked to say--that |
| fish." Somehow, that feels like the wrong | | | | the Universe is kind and loving; giving and pressing |
| approach. | | | | goodness down into us for good measure. I feel it |
| Try the guilt button, my ego mind decides in a | | | | now. Okay, I acknowledge, I blew that. Peace |
| nano-second, I begin to speak "I, um," and | | | | comes over me. I know I'll get another chance. |
| Observer-self interrupts me. The fisherman hears | | | | The how of another chance I do not know. I |
| me say, "I wouldn't be able to sleep at night | | | | realize I never know the how, and it happens |
| knowing I let a wonderful, peaceful creature | | | | anyway. The Voice says, "You might want to |
| starve to death --knowing I could have done | | | | remember that." |
| something about it. How about you?" (Oooh-la-la. | | | | I am about to fall asleep later that night and it hits |
| This Observer-self does guilt much better than I | | | | me-the connection between the kites and the sea |
| would. No anger. No agenda.) | | | | lion. It isn't that the Universe is sending its |
| "Uh, well, ah, um, I guess not," from the still | | | | Wisdom, its Kindness, and it's Love to me 24-7. |
| stunned fisherman. | | | | The Divine Wisdom is so complete that it can use |
| "So how much?" (No time for small talk, ego mind | | | | every situation, every circumstance for multiple |
| says--quick get the fish before he changes his | | | | benefits 24-7--benefits, the ego mind could never, |
| mind.) | | | | ever, think of or plan. The ego mind just doesn't |
| "Oh, ah, um, just take it. I am not catching | | | | have that kind of Power. |
| anything anyway" he responds. I detect some | | | | I feel blessed. I feel peaceful knowing this Energy |
| kind of aura of sadness coming from him. | | | | is always moving, extending itself. I smile with |
| Instantly I tune it out--after all, I have a sea lion | | | | gratitude. I have worked hard enough to have the |
| to save. | | | | messages--at least some of the time-register |
| "That's wonderful, thanks!" I grab his bait and off I | | | | with me. This is the best feeling: surrendering to |
| go to take it to the sea lion. I notice the | | | | the Benevolence of the Universe by aligning with |
| Observer is gone. Darn, I like having it around. | | | | It. "I place the future in the Loving Hands of God," |
| When I get there, more folks are standing around | | | | I affirm and drift off to sleep. |
| the sea lion, making the tortured "ohhh nooo | | | | I dream that Amanda and the sea lion are walking |
| ohhh" sounds of watching a peaceful animal in | | | | and swimming together in the deep blue sky. I |
| distress. | | | | realize that it should seem peculiar--Amanda is |
| "Did anybody call the rangers?" | | | | walking and the sea lion is swimming--but it isn't. |
| "Is that who you call? I always thought it was the | | | | Both Amanda's are in sync. Grace, ease and flow |
| marine lab?" | | | | exudes from them as they walk and swim. I |
| The group conversation trails out of my focus | | | | notice the sea lion is swimming around Amanda |
| and I decide to put the fish in front of the sea lion | | | | while she is walking along, encouraging her |
| by gently tossing it. Getting close to hand feed, I | | | | direction and attentiveness--almost like a pied |
| decide, would distress the animal even more. | | | | piper. The sea lion is joyful, happy and certainly |
| First toss--not great, but close. She can smell it. | | | | free of any earthly concerns it had on the beach. |
| "It" decided the sea lion is a she and her name is | | | | Sarah calls me the next morning. I already know |
| Amanda. "Wait, I just caught the Observer again," | | | | what she is going to tell me. "The sea lion didn't |
| I think. This isn't "me" naming the sea lion Amanda. | | | | make it," she says. "They think it had an |
| "Who just named the sea lion?" I ask. Silence. I | | | | infection." Sarah's voice is sad; she thinks this |
| lose the Observer. It seems every time I | | | | means something bad. Like the whole experience |
| become aware of "It," I lose "It." Humm. Note to | | | | was a fluke of some kind, devoid of meaning and |
| self. | | | | power. Another illusion, that we do not choose |
| "You are never going to remember that." I catch | | | | the meaning of circumstances and events. Then |
| the new voice again. "Write it down." It says. | | | | the voice says, "Don't forget." I remind myself |
| Hold on, make that hold everything--I just | | | | that here is my second chance to say what |
| counted three voices in my head. The ego me, | | | | needs to be said. |
| what I thought was the Observer, but that last | | | | I tell Sarah that I choose to believe we live in a |
| commentary was definitely not Observer--who | | | | loving and kind universe and that God uses all |
| the heck is that talking? Come to think of it, | | | | things for good. I tell Sarah that I will never ever |
| Observer didn't name Amanda either. I snap back | | | | forget watching Amanda tune into the sea lion in |
| as Amanda is getting more curious about the fish | | | | such a deep and meaningful way. I affirm the |
| I tossed her. | | | | circumstance contains power to nurture whatever |
| "Come on, Amanda," I pray silently. "Take it. Eat | | | | possibilities exist next. I affirm how grateful I am |
| it." She sniffs a bit, and then lays her head back | | | | for being part of the entire lesson. Ego says, "The |
| down. My heart sinks. She isn't eating. | | | | circle of life" and I don't listen to it. Power says, |
| "Any of you smarty pants have a good idea | | | | "Resurrection. Any time you choose to remember |
| now?" I ask annoyed of the multiple voices in my | | | | this you are lifted above circumstance." In one |
| head. Silence. | | | | form, the sea lion is dead. In another form, it is |
| "Yea, that's what I thought" my ego mind says. | | | | very much alive and will continue to be. |
| Yup, I know how my ego sounds, talks, walks. | | | | Sarah shifts--I can feel it. "You are right" she |
| My ego is present and not happy. Nothing is going | | | | says, "There is no end to the blessings that can |
| the way it expects. | | | | come out of this." Sarah commits to taking |
| "Expectations are an invitation for disappointment," | | | | Amanda to the Long Marine Lab at UCSC to see |
| the voice says. Whew! It's back. | | | | the sea lions and dolphins they have at the lab. |
| There is something about this new voice. Its | | | | The future is full of promise and I ask her to |
| power, instruction and unequivocal nature are | | | | keep in touch. |
| comforting. "Take over please," my right mind | | | | My ego mind wants me to choose to succumb to |
| prays. I surrender. "Whatever you want or need | | | | the sadness of the sea lions death. But my right |
| God, my hands and feet are yours," my right | | | | mind, the one I choose to surrender to the |
| mind affirms. | | | | Power of the Universe, knows better. Today the |
| "Breathe deeply," I feel the command--from the | | | | mind I share with the Divine maintains the |
| third voice. My ego wants to jump in, but it is | | | | affirmation, "All things work together for the good |
| cut-short as I hear a shout from the crowd, "It | | | | of all--even if my ego mind sees it differently." My |
| has sand on it. The fish has sand on it. They eat | | | | ego mind chatters on here and there. AND I |
| fish out of the water not the beach." Okay, I | | | | choose not to feed it by giving it any attention or |
| think. Need a bucket. "Anyone have a big bucket?" | | | | energy. |
| I call out. Observer notes that 'typical me' is back. | | | | I open my email to find a note from the |
| Ooh. | | | | fisherman. He tells me that he got my email |
| "Amanda, honey, let's run and get your big yellow | | | | address from Amanda's dad, John. I recall giving |
| bucket," says a dad in the crowd to his little girl. | | | | my email to John after he said yes to Amanda |
| "Stop the world," I think. "Did he just call her | | | | waiting for the rangers to come and pick up the |
| Amanda?" Something is happening here. I know it | | | | sea lion. The fisherman hopes I do not mind him |
| with every fiber of energy I interact with. I have | | | | contacting me, but he figures I'd know what |
| done this enough times, but each time--well, it is | | | | happened to the sea lion. He hasn't been able to |
| like the first time. The voice says, "This is how it | | | | stop thinking about the sea lion. Unbeknownst to |
| is all of the time." "More commentary from ego," | | | | me, the fisherman joined the crowd around the |
| my right mind smirks. Observer says, "This is so | | | | sea lion. His name is Martin and he is on |
| interesting--watching yourself interact with the | | | | leave--bereavement leave. He has lost his wife. |
| Universe." I snap back. | | | | Martin closes his email, "I don't know why this is |
| An out-of-breath 7 yr old girl steps in front of me | | | | so important to me. I hope you don't think me |
| with her big yellow beach bucket. "What is your | | | | frivolous." |
| name?" I ask. "Amanda." She says. My heart does | | | | Observer notes me "oooh and aaaaahhhhing" at |
| a double beat. Yup, I heard her name right. | | | | the Power of the Universe. The voice says, "All |
| Without even knowing why and without even | | | | things work together for good." I decide to tell |
| thinking I hear myself say, "Amanda what do you | | | | Martin the sea lion lives, and then tell him how. So |
| think the sea lion needs?" Amanda shrugs her | | | | I wrote the note you just finished reading. |
| shoulders. She is thinking. I can't name it or label it, | | | | What a beautiful day. The wind is gently but firmly |
| but I feel some kind of energy moving--moving in | | | | coming off the water. The sun is crisp and bright. |
| me, in the crowd, in the sea lion, in the girl, in both | | | | The air is cool. It is a great day to fly a kite. |