| We often think of grief as something that | | | | experiencing. |
| happens after a big event in our lives such as the | | | | Hidden losses can also work in reverse when we |
| death of a loved one or the end of a relationship. | | | | return home again. When Lilly was a young child, |
| But there are many small things that can cause | | | | she came with her family to Japan due to her |
| grief to visit us, especially when we leave home | | | | father's job transfer. She attended Japanese |
| to live in a new country. Many intangible losses | | | | school and became fluent in the language and |
| can be tucked in amidst the excitement and | | | | comfortable in the culture. When she returned to |
| benefits of living as a foreigner in a new place. | | | | Australia, she became an " invisible immigrant". In |
| These "hidden losses" occur when all the patterns | | | | other words, she looked like your average Aussie |
| of daily living are gone and with it the sense of | | | | teenager, but inside she had different beliefs, |
| security and competency that are vital to us all. | | | | assumptions and values that she learned from her |
| If you're reading this, there are most likely losses | | | | many years in Japan. After sorting out a sense of |
| you've experienced by shifting your life into a | | | | personal identity, unresolved grief is the second |
| new culture. The loss can be big such as losing | | | | greatest challenge for children who have spent |
| contact with family and friends, or the loss of a | | | | most or all of their childhood in a culture other |
| certain lifestyle or status or smaller losses like | | | | than their own. |
| having access to your favorite creature comforts. | | | | If grief goes unresolved, it can appear in other |
| What is left behind can be the familiarity that | | | | kinds of behavior like anger, anxiety and |
| gives a sense of place and even the comfort of | | | | depression. Diane was a JET teacher who was |
| hearing your own language spoken on the street. | | | | leaving Japan after three years of a very fulfilling |
| Everybody loses things and grief is a natural | | | | life experience. She came into counselling because |
| human reaction to loss. Grief is a label given to a | | | | she was experiencing panic attacks and having |
| very generic process consisting of multiple moods | | | | great difficulty in sleeping. When she could |
| but many times the word is used to label the | | | | acknowledge how much her experience here was |
| feeling of being overwhelmed by loss. It is a | | | | deeply imbedded in her sense of self she began |
| feeling of incompleteness, of not having what we | | | | the process of saying goodbye to all she would |
| really want, or the loss of face or the sense of | | | | miss about Japan, the good and the bad. When |
| identity. Everyone experiences grief, but we | | | | the anxiety and sadness lifted she felt more |
| express it in different ways. Grief is a process | | | | ready to move back home again. |
| that is normal and nothing to be embarrassed | | | | Examining what we feel and not how we feel is |
| about. Traditionally, cultures deal with grief in | | | | the doorway in to dealing with unresolved grief. |
| different ways. In Asian countries, there are | | | | Experiencing a loss can cause a hairline fracture |
| specific rituals that mark someone's passing on a | | | | and we can see how our attempts to keep it |
| scheduled basis sometimes stretching into many | | | | together, to stay in control, can intensify our grief. |
| years ahead. This can be helpful because | | | | For foreigners this can be a confusing paradox |
| sometimes grief can be a stubborn guest. Many | | | | because at the same time there are wonderful |
| people take a long time to say goodbye. And | | | | and exciting experiences on offer from living in a |
| there is no right way to grieve. | | | | new culture. |
| Akiko and Ben came to counselling because they | | | | Grief and loss touches all of us. When the volume |
| were having trouble communicating in their | | | | on grief is turned up, it can be debilitating, but |
| marriage. Their only child had died two years | | | | when the volume is low, there can be a sweet |
| previous after a long illness. Carol's way of | | | | kind of sadness. Passing through borders will mean |
| grieving was to keep her child's memory alive by | | | | there is always something left behind. When one |
| leaving his room the same and remembering his | | | | gives attention to unresolved grief, transitions can |
| birthdays and special dates while Ben's grieving | | | | be smoother. It can make life easier when moving |
| style was to move on and not talk about it. When | | | | from one country to another, into a new |
| they could come to terms with and appreciate | | | | relationship, or a new sense of ourselves. Giving |
| their individual styles of grieving, the pressure was | | | | some attention to what has been left behind can |
| lessened in the communication difficulty they were | | | | clear a space for what lies ahead. |