| Blame and criticism are among the most | | | | attacks. The hostilities then go back and forth. |
| damaging relationship problems that couples | | | | The same effect can also be seen with family |
| experience. Knowing how to handle it is one of | | | | feuds. Folklore is full of tales about harm suffered |
| the most important social skills that we can | | | | by one party being passed down the generations |
| possess as we learn how to effectively cope with | | | | as different family members are hurt, injured or |
| the negative attitudes and barbed comments of | | | | killed and others carry out reprisals. |
| others. | | | | Valuable as these lessons are, they are |
| We have to deal with all sorts of people, and | | | | short-term tactics to deal with immediate |
| there are many - including boyfriends and | | | | problems. Consider: |
| husbands - who've not yet learned that we | | | | 1. Also important is a long-term strategy as this |
| respond better to charm and appreciation than to | | | | will reduce the number of unhappy incidents which |
| put downs and attempts to make us feel guilty. | | | | require these coping skills. |
| Because of this, it is important that any | | | | 2. Applying a long-term strategy which is simple to |
| relationship advice which aims to help should | | | | use and has a broad impact on your life also |
| include techniques for dealing with these attacks | | | | means you'll have to deal with blame and criticism |
| quickly and effectively without allowing the | | | | less often and you'll be able to cope more easily if |
| situation to get out of hand. | | | | you do. |
| Verbal strategies for coping with criticism and | | | | 3. Following a long-term strategy that is easy to |
| blame normally show how to deflect unwanted | | | | apply in your daily life can also make a creative, |
| comments without causing further antagonism. | | | | positive impact. You aren't simply responding to |
| With practice, it's possible to become very adept | | | | other people's negativity but are actively building |
| at side-stepping hurtful comments from others | | | | positive experiences. |
| and re-directing the conversation in the direction | | | | A REAL solution to the pitfalls, problems and |
| that you prefer. | | | | conflicts you presently face involves a strategy |
| A related skill is in learning what NOT to do. When | | | | which shows you how to build a life that is a lot |
| we feel under attack, it is natural to become | | | | more likely to attract more love, respect and |
| defensive. This can easily create a pattern of | | | | appreciation with fewer relationship hassles. |
| attack and retaliation, as can be seen even at | | | | If you are ready to experience more love and |
| international level when one country attacks | | | | harmony in your life, go for a long-term solution. |
| another, which responds in kind, inducing further | | | | |